roommate requirements

  • willing to reenact the ‘where’s my supersuit’ scene from the incredibles with me at any point in time

(Source: punkwarren)




i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

Reading sixpenceee post on the glitch thing reminded me of something that happened a few months ago.

I was sitting on the couch with my friend Gio and I heard his phone go off and I asked him if it was the Pokemon theme song because it sounded really similar and he said that it was just some dubstep thing and laughed and grabbed his phone from his pocket and texted someone, then put his phone back in his pocket. 

About ten minutes later, Gio grabs his pocket looking for his phone and he can’t find it so he gets up and we all help him try to look for his phone. Gio goes out to his car to see if he can find his phone and I try calling his phone and a girl picks up.

Confused, I ask who the girl is and she says that she’s Bonnie, Gio’s girlfriend, and that Gio’s phone is at her house. Gio comes back inside and I tell him what Bonnie says and we both just kinda stand there looking at each other confused. 

I asked him who he was texting ten minutes ago and why we both saw his phone and he said he could have sworn up and down that he was texting our friend Sebastian, but Bonnie later said that she’d had Gio’s phone for at least the past two hours.

To this day I still can’t explain what happened to me and Gio but it still bothers me. 


i dont ship…i yacht. im not a low budget bitch

(Source: kanyewesticle)

Teacher: "Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"
Me: Someone told me to go to hell
Me: Couldn't find it at first
Me: But now I'm here